Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Was in a Cave for the past few weeks and still in it...

i was supposed to be doing work. but i got really sick of looking at it really. just got a little bit more to go. but im so darned tired right now... my body isnt tired - i just had a 6-hr sleep which is considered a luxury for us architecture students. but my mind is utterly tired... numb... cant think anymore.

i've been quarantining myself from my outer archistudents-circle friends for almost a month now. missed them terribly. miss having free weekends... and spend $$$ carelessly.

so i've been too absorbed in my work... i've lost contact from the outside world. like a monk on meditation, like someone in search of something that i'm not even sure of . so i quit searching. i should start appreciating. i thought, what the heck... family and friends are everything. work/money are things in between... if i am going to look for something i have no clue about, i better take care what i have got a hold of. i'm sorry friends... i dont know what ive put ahead of me is less important than what ive left behind.

now i realize it. but whatever i decide, Allah SWT is with me. my family and friends are with me.

i have no regrets.

this course has turned me from a soft jell-o to a rock. and i hope to stay as a rock until the end of it. i do have passion for it... but i have more passion for something. something more... permanent - that is... the after-life. whatever i do now that is not entirely fulfilling, i better do as much as it would satisfy me... not others. i've learned what i can from the 1st yr until now. although it's in the hands of my teachers to pass me... but i really want to get out from this 'cave' soon... and God help me, i will... pray with me, folks... help me get through this 'cave'...

ps: i really dont mind going through puberty twice because i really want to go back to my Sri Aman days... waaaa... easy carefree dorky life!

1 comment:

su h a i da said...

lorr.. sedih gila ayat2 mu, sis. takpe, i know u'll get thro this course. nati dah berjaya, dun forget to belanja the whole family makan2 kat sri thai yer.. i think victoria station sux. >:p