In Vain...

i woke up last sunday 8th april @ 12pm and headed straight to studio to finish my work for my portfolio review. we were suppose to submit it on the 10th for our lecturers' assessments. after finish ammending my drawings, i opened my photoshop tuesday morning (the day we were supposed to submit). it was 5 am... and then the moment i tried to open my drawing in photoshop, the computer got stuck that i had to restart. then the same thing happened again whenever i tried to use the photoshop. after some 10 reboots, i got fed-up and decided that i should just submit in black and white first and thought that i'd pin the coloured ones after the assessment.
so from sunday to tuesday, i only managed a 1hr nap twice. that tuesday night, i could stay home and get the rest i need but then, i need to use someone else's computer that night. so that night, i knew that most of the students would probably be sleeping so i took that opportunity to borrow my friend's computer for the night to colour my drawings in photoshop. her computer has a 2gb ram that when i want to save a 100mb photoshop file, i haven't even start to blink, it already finished saving. so i did my work up to 3am. i slept by 4am until 12pm the next day.
the very next day, new project starts. this project was a group work. the submission was due friday. and i was in charge of the presentation board. and i also had my part to do the research on. also, on that day, i had to go to my old office to print my individual presentation boards. i did my work as far as i could manage and at 6pm i left for my office. by the time i was done, it was already 9pm. so i went back to the studio and finished up my group work.
i didn't sleep up to thursday. only a few 30-min naps. and today was the portfolio review. it's actually like an exam for us with all the lecturers from architecture department assessing our individual works. this is when the descision whether you fail or not is made. usually with my effort, i would get a pass... but since the Lembaga Akitek Malaysia is coming for accreditation so my effort, just like how my last batch did, is not enough. they had to be strict this year because our faculty needed to maintain that accreditation. it is very important for us. no accreditation means no part2 and that means no architect. so we all got a scold from all the lecturers saying that our work is not enough to earn that accreditation...
somehow, i felt... despite my lack of sleeping and resting... despite my endless efforts... i felt that my efforts was in vain... everytime i try to work and forget the past, i just simply can't stop thinking about how much efforts i've put into my work and i get no credits out of it. at one moment, i felt like giving up. i felt like taking a break for a few years before coming back for 4th year (that if i graduate). all through my 4 years here... i've lived with uncertainty. there are no right or wrong, black or white in architecture. they're all very subjective... and i'm not doing it for the heck for doing it. i'm doing it because i'm living my passion but somehow i think my lecturers are making a hell out of it... sometimes they made me wonder to the point where i don't know what i want anymore. they're lecturers, for heaven's sake! aren't they suppose to encourage students? not discourage or demotivates them?
i don't know what i or other students, who felt the same, should do... right now, i just so so wish i would make it through. if i flunk this again... then i really don't know what will become of me... just a few months ago it was all clear to me... gosh, how i wish i could still see as clearly now. i've never been so worried about my future so much and yet, i'm writing a blog. i guess there's a bit of contradiction but like i said in my first blog, when i have to let it out, i have to let it out! just a little advice...

know what you want and go for it! despite whether it's in vain or not, it's a different story... the most important thing is that you do your best.

i wish i could force myself to say that from the heart :\

i don't love you

When you go

Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay

And maybe when you get back

I'll be off to find another way

When after all this time that you still owe

You're still, the good-for-nothing I don't know

So take your gloves and get out

Better get out

While you can

When you go

Would you even turn to say

"I don't love you

Like I didYesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading

So sick and tired of all the needless beating

But baby when they knock you

Down and out

It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe

Another dollar's just another blow

So fix your eyes and get up

Better get up

While you can

Whoa, whooa

When you go

Would you even turn to say

"I don't love you

Like I didYesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go

Would you have the guts to say

"I don't love you

Like I loved youYesterday"

I don't love you

Like I loved you

Yesterday

I don't love youLike

I loved you

Yesterday

it's my current favourite song. eventhough it doesn't sound very romantic or very gentlemanly of gerard if he did what he sang. but the song brings a meaning that you might think that special someone is your life companion... the one that steals your heart... the only one that you will love and cherish... in sickness, in health... for better or worse... for richer or poorer... may not be the same person the next morning...

today

>>>--begin-->

model in the making...

venue: 3rd yr studio, built environment faculty
time: 430am

ZZzzzZzz... huh??... ZzzZzzzz... krohhh~...

venue: residence, ss3
time: between 5 am to 7 am to 130pm

~SaLute KiNG KoNG!
new faculty of built environment
proposed by too kean kong

venue: exhibition hall, built environment faculty

time: 330pm

R0ad Trip!

discovered an inconvenient truth...
venue: somewhere in selangor
time: 430pm to 700pm

BBQ~ ArCHi NiTe...

venue: back in the old faculty of built environment

time: 830pm

today = priceless

but let's hope for a better tomorrow

<--END---<<<

astaka + MSSA competition

i joined astaka competition about more than a year ago. but i just had to blog this down. in this competition, there is the preliminary round where there were supposed to be hundreds of submission but that year (2005), with no representatives from UiTM so they were only 50 competitors. my school, UM school of architecture sent 3 group representatives. for those who don't know what astaka is, it's a stage where people held the annual 'Tilawah Al-Quran' competition. every year JKR (Jabatan Kerja Raya) hold this astaka design competition so they'd use the winning design as the official astaka for the Quran recital competition.

we were told only one week before the submission. we did the design n model all within the week. it was so chaotic that it even crossed my mind to forfeit. luckily we didn't. we had problems with the 3rd member n then appointed Soon Yau, who has the greatest magnificent workmanship in the whole world, to do our model. and the submission day was nerve-wrecking, all the designs were terrific n brilliant with superb craftmanship on the models. i presented to 2 judges but wasn't sure if we would get chosen for top10. then the next day was the official day for the submission, presented to a lot of people but i lost count. most of them werent judges though. my mother n my 9-month pregnant sister actually came! as i said, i was glad we didn't forfeit because when the announcement was made, ours were announced in the 2nd last. so we made it. n i was happy... all that lack of sleep and hard work completely paid off. but unfortunately we lost in the 2nd round. i guess the judges didn't want anything too unconventional or contemporary like ours. anyway, lots of other architects and managements complimented on our design. we didn't make it to top5. but overall, i was satisfied with how my team worked together and made it through a tough moment and then beating 49 other competitors to make it to the top10.

currently i'm joining this biotech centre competition organized by Malaysian Steel Structural Association (MSSA). i did the design and presentation board in less than a week. i was pretty stressed out because the submission was so close to my final submission. but somehow i managed to pull it off and submit both on time. i was pretty sure we wouldn't get through to the top10 for the MSSA competition but just last week, a friend, a teammate rang me up and told me that we made it to the top10 out of 70 submissions. it was shocking because i really didn't give my all for the design. so there you have it... i'm proud that i made at least to top10's for both competitions. Not to flatter myself but it makes me wonder how i could flunk my final semester when i've been reaching top10's for design competitions. hmm... hmmm...

You Know You're In Architecture When...

i think more than half what is written down here is true about me... sad, huh?

01.the alarm clock tells you when to go to sleep.

02.youre not ashamed of drooling in studio/class anymore, especially in the Structure lectures.

03.you know what UHU tastes like.

04.you CELEBRATE space and OBSERVE your birthday.

05.coffee and cokes are tools, not treats.

06.people get nauseous just by smelling your caffeine breath.

07.you get surprised when you see a new building in your school compound.

08.you think its possible to CREATE space.

09.youve slept more than 20 hours non-stop in a single week-end.

10.you fight with inanimate objects.

11.youve fallen asleep in the washroom.

12.your brother or sister thinks he or she is an only child.

13.youve listened to all your cds in less than 48 hours.

14.youre not seen in public.

15.you lose your house keys for a week and you dont even notice.

16.youve brushed your teeth and washed your hair in the facultys washroom.

17.youve discovered the benefits of having none or very short hair. Youve started to appreciate inheriting baldness.

18.youve used an entire role of film to photograph the sidewalk.

19.you know the exact time the vending machines are refilled.

20.you always carry your deodorant.

21.you become excellent at recycling when making models.

22.when you try to communicate, you make a continuous and monotonous whine.

23.you take notes and messages with color markers.

24.you combine breakfast, lunch, and dinner into one single meal.

25.you see holidays only as extra sleeping time.

26.youve got more photographs of buildings than actual people.

27.youre realized that French curves are not that exciting!!

28.you can live without human contact, food or daylight, but if you cant print, its chaos.

29.when you are being shown pictures of a trip, you ask what the human scale is.

30.you can use Photoshop, Illustrator and make a web page, but you dont know how to use excel.

31.you refer to great architects (dead or alive) by their first name, as if you knew them. (Frank, Corbu, Mies, Norman)

32.when someone offers you a kilometrico pen, you feel offended.

Addition (according to my personal opinion)
33. instead of shopping, u actually go to shopping malls to study construction
34. you treat MPH n kinokuniya like a library

My Final Semester

its been a year, yep i know... nothing has been as exhilarating as me flunking final semester... because of embarrassment, i didn't post it. but now, i'm not embarrassed anymore... mayb i was given a 2nd chance to prove myself. well, here i am now...

most of last year i spent working in MATA architect, an architectural firm where i did my pratical training. but during my practical training, i had only 2 months back then. now, i had 7 whole months to learn how a company operates. eventhough my salary isn't exactly what u can say u can be proud or satisfied of but i wasn't really into the money... i was more into the experience. money was just a plus side. gaining the knowledge i need about architecture and also friends of many kind along the way. i learned about office politics, marketing strategies and even once went a meeting alone with a consultant. i also learned that i have what it takes to be in a team :) before my last day, my boss offered me a job there. even when i haven't graduated. i have to admit that i can't wait to come back.

studying again felt so dreadful. mainly because i felt i was more into work - less stressful and easier work and definitely no listening to lecturers nagging, babbling and demoralise you. everything was so straight to the point at the office. everything seemed easier. not like the lecturers say in class. then i started to pick up my pace in my studies although i didn't get satisfying results so far. lecturers are giving me all the bullshits about a tougher world out there. well, guess what? they can't fool me. i've been there...

so now, i'm finishing my part I degree and i've applied to continue for the second part. i hope i get it straight away. most of the applicants were told to work first before entering the second part. as much as i love working, i thought i'd better get study over with first. i'm afraid if i start working first, i'd enjoy my salary too much that i didn't have the heart to study again. so when you have the heart, just go for it. i can't imagine myself becoming a fully transformed architect but i feel, why not aim high?

aim for the moon. if you miss, you land among the stars.

Reminiscence of Atuk

Atuk...

One of the terms used by malays to refer to their grandfathers. there are lots of other terms like Tok, Tok Wan, or Yayi ... yayi is how i refer to my grandfather on my father's side. yayi is actually a term used by the Jawas... yes, i hail from Jawa (Java)bloodline. also chinese from my mother's side eventhough i don't have the slightest chinese feature in my face. but if you see my mother, then you'd believe me.

both of my beloved grandfather passed on the same Hijrah year. My atuk on 1st muharram and my yayi on the 30th ramadhan. i cant really recall the georgian calendar date. eversince they passed, i thought mostly about my atuk rather than my yayi. not that i don't love my yayi. it's just that my atuk has the most rarest unconventional way of loving us. i admit that atuk n i never had that sort of bond that people think as unbreakable. he also never had the same kind of bond with my mother. my grandfather was a very quiet man. quiet but easily provoked. a single noise would easily raise his blood pressure up to the ceiling. a single silly mistake from us would easily get a lengthy lecture from him. a single question about the phrase '17th century' would make you sit with him explaining the meaning for 2 dreadful hours. and i'm talking about the phrase '17th century' ... luckily, i didn't ask him about 'where do babies come from?' i'd probably be wondering when he was going to finish.

my grandfather was a heavy smoker. and he does cross-stitch. yes... hmmm, i wonder what do you think of that? yes, he does cross-stitch. very huge and intricate stitching works. i think i'll paste on of his works in one of my blogs later. most of the walls in my house are covered with his stitching works. everytime we came to visit him, we would always find him (shirtless and in his 'kain pelekat') at the living/dining table, stitching and sometimes stop to blow a cigarette or stroke his cat. yup, that stern old man has a soft spot for cats. he has this one favourite cat named 'pussy'. one day, pussy died and to my biggest surprise, my atuk couldn't even stop talking about pussy for days and without crying. not to reveal my atuk's weakness wutsoever but this is a side of him that i thought i would never see.

he would spend most of the time on that living/dining table if he was still alive today. sitting very quietly, stitching and smoking. he only talks when you talk to him first. sometimes, he would quietly get up and go outside to clean the fish tank or fix his antique grandfather's clock. he dislikes people touching his stuffs. if he placed that certain item there for his own rational reason, then don't move it. according to him, it would disrupt how his system works. that showed that he was a very disciplined man or to some people, a very petty man. so most of the time, we would leave him alone with his work.

eventhough he was the type that didn't show affection- i'm not sure if he's not fond of affection or he doesn't know how to show it- but there are times that he became grandfatherly to us. the signs of affection were so rare that when he showed them, the feeling of joy and loved would never leave you. like it did to me until now. the little things he did still bring a smile to my face. like taking my siblings and i to the playground, eventhough the likeliness of it to happen is once a year... like taking me for a motorcycle ride around his neighbourhood. like giving 'duit raya' to us... even when he gave the lengthy explanation about '17th century' to me.

for the past few days, i thought of him. i'm not sure if i missed him. because he and i were never close. but the memories of his affections never left me. i remembered every single of it. i never questioned why he was the way he was but i'm glad he was that way. when he left, not a single person wasn't deeply affected. for a whole week i found my mother staring into space and cried. for a whole week, my mother said she didn't get a chance to say goodbye. at the time of my atuk's death, my mother was out buying things for him and when she came back, he was already gone. but i told my mother, perhaps my atuk loved her the most (although he never showed it) that's why he left before my mother came home. because i'm sure he didn't want to see my mother sad when he leaves. my mother had tried her best in hope that my atuk revived but somehow, it's better this way.

so, my fellow muslims, help me 'sedekah' al-fatihah to my late grandfathers and my grandmother.

The least person you hope for affection may be the person who affects you the most.

let's not be a superhero

today i attempted to be a superhero. not the kind that has super strength or x-ray visions or teleportation... not even close to the one that saves people's lives. yesterday i tried to patch this two people who are dear to me and today it turned out to be a disaster as both parties felt even more worse. so hear my advice... sometimes things are better left to patch up itself. let's just get on with our ordinary lives and not be a superhero. no matter how good your intentions are, you can never satisfy both parties. at least one of them or maybe even you could end up getting hurt...

Episode 1 : PILOT

I guess I couldn't find a better title. It's not that I have a bad day everyday that I would wish for a better tomorrow. Today can be great but there's nothing wrong with wishing if tomorrow shall be even greater. So the title is more of an optimist than a pessimist. However, i wish for a better title though.

This is not actually my first time in blogging. I've blogged in this page (I'd rather not state what the page is because who knows that it might jeopardize the reputation of the host-haha) and suddenly everytime i want to log on, it just turns to 'page cannot be displayed' crap so i resort to this. I don't usually blog everyday but sometimes when stuffs happen (important or not), if I need to get it out of my system then I need to let it out. Otherwise, I'd go haywire! I'd babble about it for 3 days running, if I'm lucky! If not, people around me would probably hate me until i finally shut up. I don't actually know if they think of me like that but hey, if i was them, i'd hate me too. haha...

So today's entry was more of an introduction of me and why i'm here. Lately, i have this urge to pick up a pencil and a sketchbook and draw. I have this thing with drawing people/living things. i don't exactly know why but God's creation fascinates me so much so i replicate them into my drawings and having to look back at them give me that sort of satisfaction that i don't have a way to describe it in words. It's so overwhelming in many ways. I appreciate this talent i have -God has given me. Perhaps the only talent i have and i'm gonna put it into good use - i hope to. Just to add spice to this article, i'm posting one of my latest drawings. Just so you know, i'm not making up any stories.

>>>-----> this is gerard butler ( from phantom of the opera, tomb raider2, timeline n now probably best known as king leonidas in 300). hmmm... i find him very good looking and i only draw good looking people. haha... that includes me ;) I have loads of sketches in my portfolio and i will post them whenever is convenient. Just for pleasure sake :)

Okay, it's 50 mins past midnight here in Malaysia. Yes... i'm from Malaysia. A beautiful multi-racial, multi-cultured, multi-language, multi-religion, all the 'multi' you can think of and peaceful country. Haha... I love everything about Malaysia, except for traffic jams which i bet every other country has. Eventhough i'm a malay, i'll b blogging in english most of the time. This is how i polish my english. Haha, kinda funny when i say polish my english because polish is actually from poland and english from england. Anyway, i'm crapping now... i better sign off now. Hope you enjoy this blog. K, peace out! Gnite!